I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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