I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
