Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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