a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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