The maid of honor just puked.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
