Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Blood and glitter go together right?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
