I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Someone signed my nipple.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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