I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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