Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
