i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
