Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
