he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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