Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How naked do you want me to be?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
