I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
