I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
