Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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