Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
