my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
