I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
