You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
