so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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