Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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