OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
