Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
