No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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