You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
