I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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