What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
