Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
