wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
