I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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