your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
