if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Say something about gay babies.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
