When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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