I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
