dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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