Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
