too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
