The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
