it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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