break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
