It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
