We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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