at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
