she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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