STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
