I have demons in me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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