I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
