I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
