The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
