I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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