If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
