My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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