Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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