It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i've created a new STD.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
