if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
